It is very hard to accept the fact that... My brother has passed away... It is too sudden... I never thought of such thing would have happened to him... On Monday, I was sleeping and suddenly my sister-in-law called my house phone and informed my dad that my brother was hospitalized due to heart attack. When I was trying to book air ticket to Singapore, my dad called back to update about my brother's condition. However, the unimaginable happened... She said doctor said that they unable to save my brother... My dad collapsed and cried immediately when he heard that. At first I still feel like this isn't true. Soon after my mom arrived, my dad told her the bitter truth. She was shocked and cried.
When I was on the plane, I am still hoping that miracle will happen to him and he can stay alive. However, when I reached Singapore and saw my sis-in-law, I knew that... I have to face the fact... that... he passed away... We were still wonder that how he died. While we were going back to my brother's office after I went to NTU to submit some docs, his colleague, Mili guide me the way to a coffee shop, he told me that it is my brother's favourite shop, although it's cheap tea. He also told me that my brother was very happy that I managed to get into NTU. In my mind I am trying to imagine how happy, how exciting and how eager he is for my arrival in Singapore. I was extremely sad. When I reached the coffee shop, I try to imagine how he spend his lunch time at there, sitting at there, smiling. I really really wish to cry but I just hold it. On Tuesday on the mortuary, we finally knew how he died. He died of coronary artery disease. When we went to the room to claim my brother's body, I really cannot control myself after I saw my parents, relatives and his colleagues cried when we saw his body. It just pure heartache... His funeral was held at Nirvana Memorial Center.
When I saw his body in the casket at the funeral and when my sis-in-law "talk" with him, I still have the feeling that he should be with us, living with us. The moment they seal his casket and when they pushed the button at the crematory, my heart was like pierced by a thousand knife. It's just too sad. However, when I saw and pick up my brother's ash, I feel very peaceful. I feel like he finally can rest in peace.
In the past, when I saw the family of the deceased cried over the death of their loved ones, I cannot feel the sorrow within their heart. We tell other people to 节哀顺变 or try to overcome the grief over the death of someone. It's easy to be said. But we don't know the real pain they felt. Now, I understand the pain and it is an excruciating one. The person that is so close to me that we lived together for around 20 years suddenly passed away. A pain that will take a very long time to subside. I just cannot believe that this is the fact. He died at just 30 years old. I have never ever thought of such thing would happen to him.
What can I say is we have to cherish our loved ones. We will not know what will happen the next day, next hour and maybe even next minute. People will die in minutes as life is indeed fragile.
stay strong brother...
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