My most sorrow birthday...

If only he could make it at least until my birthday... I know why he chose to return back to sg on 19th of July... Appointment with gynecology is one thing... The other should be due to my birthday... He really loves me a lot...... I promise you brother, I will do all my best to complete my degree at NTU... I will not fail you. I will try to be the brother you proud of... Watch over us my brother......

My Beloved Brother, Patrick......

I used to hate my brother a lot when I was a child because he always scolds me and beat me with the cane when I am naughty. The most memorable moment is when he drags me out of the house because he was very frustrated with me back then. Then I did go and hide and I saw him trying to find me. I still fear that he might beat the hell out of me or scold me but he didn't. Actually, I can be considered as an imp. I am quite naughty when I was a kid. XD However, this shapes the image of him to me-fierce.  I was very afraid of him. I don't dare to touch his stuff and he easily pissed off when dealing with me. But that is only until around 2005, when I was 14. He seldom scold me from that year onward, actually it's rarely or none at all. Perhaps I've already grown up and more matured. 

I forgot most the time when we hang out together with his friends. How he makes me cry by freaking me out. I enjoy watching him play computer games and PS1 game like Red Alert 1, Resident Evil 2 & 3 till I abandoned my homework. Wakaka! He loves to play horror and strategy games. I can't remember well whether I peeked at him while he was playing RE2&3 or I am just sitting by his side cuz i'm quite scared of it. But he told me that I peeked at him. I still remember he will accompany me to sleep when I was alone cuz last time I was too scared to sleep alone, scared of zombies due to Resident Evil. Haha......

I look up to him a lot when he told me how good he is during his primary school and lower secondary school and he IS very good during primary and secondary school. He managed to get into Victoria Institution which is indeed a very prestigious secondary school during his time. He was very active with his scout's activities, that is why he will usually reach home around 4-5pm. I used to brag about him to my friends. His academic, his extracurricular activity and stuff. He just makes me proud of him. 


The football club he likes the most is Manchester United. I definitely influenced by him but actually I don't watch football matches regularly. Championship Manager is one of his favourite games. He bought a lot of MU's stuff like jerseys, posters and other stuff and of course, David Beckham is like his idol. He loves his country and his secondary school a lot. When we try to clean his room, we manage to found out a lot of old newspaper regarding Malaysia and his secondary school. How proud Malaysia and his school once was. Too bad it all deteriorated under some mismanagement. 


My brother taught me a lot of stuff and he also introduced a lot of stuff to me. Many of my first time were with him. First time to Singapore, first time to Burger King, first time to Tony Roma's and many more. I still remember how we used to go for vacation together, the moment we spent together. His appetite for food. I love to look at his stomach from the side cuz it's quite big. I also love to see his face while he's asleep. He tends to drool a lot while he's asleep.

The thing he likes to do the most, well, I think are eating and sleeping. He loves to sleep and he can fall asleep easily at anywhere. He introduced a lot of nice food to me. He also loves to sing and he loves pets. At one time we own a lot of pets like rabbit, dog, tortoise and fish. He did influence me a lot. He made me loves dogs as well. 

Without realizing, I inherited a lot of his habits like wearing boxers and topless while in home, studied at TARC (although it is just A-Level), the brands of clothes he likes, his way of speaking and motions, the thing he use, the way he wear his clothes, his taste for fashions and stuff, the songs and artists he likes... Yea, and of course, the way he cooked his Maggi mee... It is just pure tasty. I still remember I try to learn how to cook it, but I just can't cook the same thing. In the end, I asked him and he taught me the way. Like my cousin said, it is the ultimate way, for me. Some people may find it too salty cuz we just put like 250ml of water or less to cook it. He cooked our dinner last time and it's real nice as well. =) His fried rice, chicken rice, 烧肉炒豆腐, these are some of his signature dishes. He likes Andy Lau 刘德华 the most. Others include the late Leslie Cheung 张国荣, Jacky Cheung 张学友 and Jay Chou 周杰伦. 

He is also very funny, all those jokes and stuff and we like to prank on each other such as pulling his pants, he farted in front of my face by aiming his butt to me. XD I still remember one of the funniest thing bout him is that there is one time the house phone rang, but I keep searching for it and I couldn't find it, in the end we found out that its under my brother's fat ass =.=ll and we LOL! And of course, his dirty jokes as well. He doesn’t know Mandarin, so sometimes he will pronounce it wrongly. However, he manages to sing Mandarin songs almost perfectly.

I try to follow his footsteps. In the past, I feel like he is very pro in everything. But as I grew up, I eventually surpassed him in terms of academic. I managed to get 12 A's in SPM and he is extremely happy and proud of me. I still remember he posted it out, "I'm very proud of my brother". For the first time I feel like I finally got acknowledged by my brother. After I finished my A-Level, I further my studies at UTAR and I got into NTU, he persuaded me to go to NTU and I did make up my mind to go to NTU. But when I heard his friends and colleagues said he was very happy about me and he loves me a lot, I just can't control myself from feeling like crying.

He is a person who gives priority to his family and other people before himself. He wants to save the best things for his family. Life is unpredictable. Who would have known that my parents divorced. I understand that this incident hurt him a lot. The death of grandmother and my pet dog Speedy are also some of his most sorrow moments.

Even though he passed away, I really really miss him. How I hope he is still alive, living with us... Chat with us, have dinner with us... When come to think of it, my brother did love and care about me very much. When I was a kid, he will buy the things that I wanted like sweets, chocolate and ice-creams. He usually buys souvenirs and presents for me. I didn't realize it. I was like just take it for granted. I am very regret that I did not cherish my moment with him. I wish we have more time together. Although few days have passed after his death, I still cannot accept that he actually passed away. Nobody can accept that. His death is too sudden.

Many people mourned and cried for his death. His friends told me that he always thinks about other people first before he think bout himself. Almost all his Singapore colleagues came for his funeral. I am very grateful to all of them. At least I get to know that my brother is such a fine man. I am very very proud of him as his brother. He is a good friend, cousin, son, brother and would-be father. Ah Fai, please, rest in peace. Don't worry about us, all of us will take good care of your wife and your daughter. I love you... And farewell, my brother......

One of the most sorrow moment of my life...

It is very hard to accept the fact that... My brother has passed away... It is too sudden... I never thought of such thing would have happened to him... On Monday, I was sleeping and suddenly my sister-in-law called my house phone and informed my dad that my brother was hospitalized due to heart attack. When I was trying to book air ticket to Singapore, my dad called back to update about my brother's condition. However, the unimaginable happened... She said doctor said that they unable to save my brother... My dad collapsed and cried immediately when he heard that. At first I still feel like this isn't true. Soon after my mom arrived, my dad told her the bitter truth. She was shocked and cried.

When I was on the plane, I am still hoping that miracle will happen to him and he can stay alive. However, when I reached Singapore and saw my sis-in-law, I knew that... I have to face the fact... that... he passed away... We were still wonder that how he died. While we were going back to my brother's office after I went to NTU to submit some docs, his colleague, Mili guide me the way to a coffee shop, he told me that it is my brother's favourite shop, although it's cheap tea. He also told me that my brother was very happy that I managed to get into NTU. In my mind I am trying to imagine how happy, how exciting and how eager he is for my arrival in Singapore. I was extremely sad. When I reached the coffee shop, I try to imagine how he spend his lunch time at there, sitting at there, smiling. I really really wish to cry but I just hold it. On Tuesday on the mortuary, we finally knew how he died. He died of coronary artery disease. When we went to the room to claim my brother's body, I really cannot control myself after I saw my parents, relatives and his colleagues cried when we saw his body. It just pure heartache... His funeral was held at Nirvana Memorial Center.

When I saw his body in the casket at the funeral and when my sis-in-law "talk" with him, I still have the feeling that he should be with us, living with us. The moment they seal his casket and when they pushed the button at the crematory, my heart was like pierced by a thousand knife. It's just too sad. However, when I saw and pick up my brother's ash, I feel very peaceful. I feel like he finally can rest in peace.

In the past, when I saw the family of the deceased cried over the death of their loved ones, I cannot feel the sorrow within their heart. We tell other people to 节哀顺变 or try to overcome the grief over the death of someone. It's easy to be said. But we don't know the real pain they felt. Now, I understand the pain and it is an excruciating one. The person that is so close to me that we lived together for around 20 years suddenly passed away. A pain that will take a very long time to subside. I just cannot believe that this is the fact. He died at just 30 years old. I have never ever thought of such thing would happen to him. 


What can I say is we have to cherish our loved ones. We will not know what will happen the next day, next hour and maybe even next minute. People will die in minutes as life is indeed fragile. 

A Brunch

Today while i was having my lunch, my heart desired for "kopi bing"... however, "teh bing" came out of my mouth and i tot i ordered the right thing.. but when they served me "teh bing" and try to recall, i did ordered "teh bing"... @.@

Unpredictable and ever changing life.

Life is really unpredictable. After my SPM, I know that my interest is in Biology. Due to financial restraints and the amount of time you have to put in to that course, I gave up. I really wish I could study at Singapore's Universities, either NUS or NTU. Therefore, I applied for NTU for the 1st time before my A-Level final examination. Few months later, I received an e-mail indicating that my application was not success. I was quite disappointed.

During that time I was quite determined to study engineering. So, I search for info regarding engineering courses like Civil and Chemical Engineering. During one of my visit to Uni/College open day at Nottingham, I asked for info relating to Chemical Engineering. The consultant was a British I think, her slang and accent is very difficult for me to understand. However, I still got it. She said that many of her friends or students who studied engineering do not ended up in becoming an engineer. This reminds me of one of my friend who studied engineering but ended up doing other jobs on another field. So, I gave up that course as I realised that I don't like physics that much although I obtained quite outstanding results for the subject physics in A-Level. =)

It is during that time as well Astro On Demand showing the drama 绝代商骄, I was intrigued by all those financial thingy like stocks, business and stuff. In order to become multi-million and billionaire, I think business and finance is the field that I should choose. So, I apply for econs and finance course at Nottingham University. In the end, I chose Actuarial Science in UTAR.

I have quite a good life at UTAR although the facilities here are almost zero. =.=ll  I get to know a lot of new friends and I was quite committed to it. Before the semester's final exam, I even searched for condo unit to rent and to live there so that I can have more time for studying and some sports too since everytime when i reached home after school I was like totally worn out. Even I'm not the one who's driving and class ended at 1pm, reaching home around 2pm, I'm severely not motivated to study, ended up watching TV and playing games. =.=ll

Because I'm not resigned to the outcome of my previous NTU application. So I applied for it once again, the 1st choice is Business and Account cuz Actuarial Science in NTU is under Business. 2nd choice is Business. Both are offered by Nanyang Business School (NBS) and NTU's NBS's business course ranked higher than NUS's business course in the world. To get into NBS, u have to 1st passed the interview. I was interviewed but I screwed up the interview. So, I was offered Maths and Econs (in SPMS) instead. The TOUGHEST DECISION OF MY LIFE falls upon me. I was in a dilemma of whether should choose to stay in Malaysia or go to Singapore. At 1st, I thought of going after considering. Then I choose to stay, and was quite determined. But soon after some advice from my bro and another friend of mine who was an NTU student b4, I finally choose to go to Singapore.

Of course, after some calculation, I found out that study in Singapore uses less time to cover the investment for study rather than in M'sia. Although study in Malaysia (around 80k MYR) is far cheaper than NTU(around 150-200k MYR), the basic salary of fresh grad in Malaysia for degree in Actuarial Science WITHOUT full 8 SOA papers should be lower than fresh grad in Singapore with Maths and Econs combined degree. When you work in Malaysia, you will definately need a car and assuming ur salary is around 1.5-2.5k, minus all those F&B, fuel, toll, phone bill, ptptn loan repayment, some money for parents and stuff, u really don't have much left for savings.
But Singapore is much different, their public transport system is far much superior to that in M'sia. When talk about public transport in M'sia most people of Malaysia will feel disappointed and fear as well  because the condition is quite sucks. The LRT putra and KTM are packed like sardines. Sometimes when the air-con is out it was like a living hell in there. Worst of all if the person stands beside you is extremely stinks and well... Good luck to you! XD  These shits always happen in M'sia public transport. Singapore's living standard is much lower than that in Malaysia. Inflation had become a severe problem in M'sia due to some new policies, and stuff. Food stuff become very expensive in Malaysia but salary remains the same. Just like today I went to Tmn Connaught for a bowl of small Pan Mee, it costs me around RM4.50. on the contrary, in Singapore the average price for a bowl of mee or a plate of rice is around SGD 2.50-4.00 (4.00 most probably either it's very big portion or it contains a lot of expensive stuff on it).

Some brands of boutique like G2000, Esprit, Giordano are err... how to put it?? Cheaper for Singaporean than for Malaysian. Example, a Tee that costs around 100 MYR in M'sia costs around 40+ SGD in Singapore due to the currencies. But for same amount of salary (RM2000 and SGD2000), you gotta pay 100MYR in M'sia but oni 40+SGD in Singapore. In the nutshell, Singapore proves to be better for me since you have much exposure in Singapore and some ppl said Singapore will take over Hong Kong as financial hub. I guess it's better to go to Singapore. I hope nothing goes wrong and I can survive for the 4-7 years. XD

Final Fantasy VIII

Few weeks ago I suddenly wanted to listen to the OST of final fantasy 8 called "The Castle". It's one of the most memorable OST I ever heard out of the FF series I played(VII. VIII, IX, X). It's been around 7-8 years since I last played final fantasy VIII. 


As I remembered I initially hated the junction system last time cuz u gotta draw magics from monsters and draw points to use them with a max cap of 100. During that time I was still a kid and probably wont understand how the hell to do the junction thingy. So I used GAMESHARK!!! WAKAKA! (which means cheating).

However, when I play it this time on psp (although it flares me up since it always freezes or hang when u cast spells), I actually quite enjoy the junction system. The characters, settings are quite realistic compared with other series. One of the most memorable thing bout ff8 is OMEGA WEAPON. It's one of the toughest boss in FF series. To me i think it should be tougher than Ozma of FF9 since it has about 1.1M hp. But of course after few trial, I manage to beat the hell out of it. YEAH!!!

This was once my least favourite series last time cuz i dun understand at all. After I play it this time, I'm in love with it. I love all the characters from the game (esp Laguna, Irvine, the extremely cute little Ellone during Laguna dream sequence at the start of disc 2 at Winhill).

The OST's are so mesmerizing (esp Julia, The Castle, Under Her Control, The Extreme, Dance with the Balamb Fish, Fragments of Memories, Ami, The Man With The Machine Gun, Fisherman's Horizon) almost all huh? XD  Man, Nobuo Umetsu totally ROCKS! (other production include the famous one-winged angel from ff7) I downloaded the piano sheet but due to the current level of my piano skill I'm unable to play them properly. >.<

It's kinda sad that I've finished this game after 2-3 weeks. T.T  I want to replay it but when come to think of it, i shouldn't waste any time replaying it. The ending is quite awesome. Seifer turning from bad to good again and 1st time see him smile with real happiness, and my favourite part is Laguna's part. Damn touching and funny as well. And the last part as well, the recording part by Selphie. :)

When I find the OST on youtube, I noticed many positive comments regarding the songs. I realised that it is one of the best game I've ever played. Truly AMAZING!